by Derek Hamilton
The phone will ring before going to voicemail, so I know she didn’t shut it off – she’s just ignoring my calls. I can’t decide if that makes it better or worse. Every time I get to her voicemail, I can’t help but listen to it:
“Hi, you’ve reached Katie’s voicemail. I’m not here right now, so leave me a message and I’ll get back to you!”
She sounds happier than I remember. She sounds fake. It feels good that I can tell that it isn’t really her on that recording, because that means I know who she really is. At this point, I’d give anything to talk to any version of her.
“Hi, you’ve reached Katie’s voicemail. I’m-“
Her voicemail sounds like someone who would talk to me. She sounds like someone I could get along with. She sounds like the type of girl who wouldn’t completely abandon the person she claims to love the most.
“Hi, you’ve reached Ka-“
Sure, we’ve had fights before – and we even broke up a few times – but maybe she’s really calling it quits this time. Maybe she doesn’t love me anymore. Maybe she never really loved me at all.
If that’s the case, then why am I even trying to talk to her? Wouldn’t I be better off without her? Why isn’t this making me feel better?
Well, now it’s just going straight to voicemail. She probably turned her phone off. I guess I’ll have to try again tomorrow.